A burr under my saddle:

Well I really got a burr under my saddle tonight. Within the first few minutes of the message tonight at the singles group I attend, the pastor started talking about "the elephant in the room". The elephant in a room of singles is usually divorce. He went on to say that the bible says that God hates divorce. He then said that if you divorce for any reason other than adultery on the part of your spouse you should not remarry.

My brain and my heart pretty much shut down at that time. I tried hard to listen for something that may redeem this young pastor. Try as I might I could not. Here is this young pastor who is happily married telling this group of hurting singles that God hates divorce and that many of them should never think about getting married again.

Well I steamed and fumed for the rest of the evening. I prayed too. "Lord help me to speak up at the end of his talk. Help me to add some balance to this message". At the end of the evening he opened it up for questions. One gal asked a softball question. Then I asked my question. "I'd like to clarify something you said earlier". "Let's say that I was divorced 10 years ago and it was totally my fault. Let's say that I committed adultery. Let's also say that I've rededicated my life to Christ and been on a steady walk for the last 10 years. In your opinion should I ever think about getting married again?" He pondered a moment and then said "Probably not!"

Then I asked "Well if I decided to remarry anyway -and lets say that the woman I was planning to marry was in the same situation, divorced 10 years ago and it was her fault- but she now has a strong walk with the Lord, would God bless our marriage?" Well maybe he said. Then he explained how God doesn't just turn on or off his blessings. I started to think that maybe he's starting get this whole "Jesus thing". My last statement was "The bible says that love covers a multitude of sin. I believe that if that is true, love should certainly be able to cover the one sin of divorce."

The evening went on and afterwards one of the women at my table said something like "Thank you for saying that, I wonder sometimes if God loves me and if I'll ever be able to marry again." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that from a single person.

I believe that it's a pastor's job to tell it like it is. Sometimes the people need to hear the harsh truth and it hurts like Hades. I also feel that the pastor needs to dig a little deeper and get to the whole truth. Does the bible say that God hates divorce? Yes it does. Does the bible say that if you divorce without just cause that you should never remarry? Yes it does.

The bible also says that love covers over a multitude of sin. It also says that it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Now how do you balance these two different concepts? The bible also says that there is only one unpardonable sin. That is blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Not divorce. The church as a whole seems to think that there are 2 unpardonable sins, the other is divorce. Now no one will come out and say that but that is the way it seems to work. You can sin and backslide in almost any area and be redeemed but not divorce.

In reality I've been divorced for about 19 years. My wife left me. She also committed adultery - I did not- and to top it off she was not a Christian. Truth be told in later years she became a practicing witch. So in reality I'm off the hook! I'm free to marry anytime I want. So the jest of it is that I was young and stupid but I was blessed enough to marry a woman that did not meet the biblical criteria of the woman I should have married so I get a pass.

Why does this subject bother me so much? Well I've been around hurting singles for 15 years or more. This is what I know about singles. Most of them have been beat up by life. Most -not all- are hurting by the poor choices they have made in they're lives. They wonder "Does God love me anymore? Is God mad at me?" The answer of course is, yes God loves you and no God is not mad at you.

Why does a seemingly good hearted pastor find it necessary to tell a group of Christian singles - a good many of them who are divorced- that they should not think of getting married ever again?

A pastor would -I hope- say something like "Seek Christ and let Him change you, let Him love you. He really does love you. Just as you are, he want's something better for you but he loves you just as you are.

I'm not a pastor but what would I say to a group of Christian singles if I had the chance? First I would say exactly what the pastor said tonight. I do agree that people need to hear the truth. But I'd dig a bit deeper. Yes, God hates divorce but he loves the divorcee. Yes, the bible says that if you divorce with out good cause that you must not remarry. The bible also has the two items I listed above, love covers a multitude of sin and it is better to marry than to burn with lust. The bible teaches that God is the God of second chances. He is the God of hope. He is the God of change, and mostly he is the God of love. The bible also says that God will give us the desires of our hearts.

The bible also says that King Solomon had 700 wives and that he was the wisest man that ever lived. I won't argue that point -but I'm tempted to-. I have to believe that if God can give Solomon the wisdom to handle 700 wives he should be able to bless me with a second chance.

So 19 years later, why am I still single? Please ask God that in your prayers tonight. The bible says that God will give us the desires of our heart. My desire has been to get a second chance. To do it right this time. To have a woman I could love, just one woman that I could love and show her what a godly man should act like. I have also given God permission to change my heart, give me a new vision for my life. A vision without a help-mate if that is His will. He has not done that yet so I hang on.

I hang on to the promises' that's in the bible. I remind God of these promises as well. It is not good for man to be alone. Especially Rick! I remind Him too that He said "hope deferred makes a heart sick". My heart is way beyond sick. It is shriveled up and getting harder by the day. I hate to dream anymore. Why dream just to have that dream dashed against the rocks one more time? Hope? Why, what's the point? God want's to give me hope and a future? I know the bible says that but where is it in real life? I don't see it. I don't feel it, but still it is there, a tiny speck of hope. No bigger than a dust mite but still it is there.

I hate hope! It seems to be a cruel thing. I still walk the walk but it seems illogical to try to bring others into God's kingdom. What should I tell them? Become a Christian and you can have all the joy that I have! They'd look at my life and the joy that's in me and go running, screaming in the other direction.

Still I hold on to hope, faith and love.